I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Randomize
