i would punch a child for taco bell
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
Randomize
