Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Randomize
