I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Randomize
