i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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