True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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