Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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