Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Randomize
