He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
