I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
