Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
