We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
