You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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