i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
you will always have a special place in my vag
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
