I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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