Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
I just threw up on my dentist
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
Randomize
