come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
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