You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
Randomize
