Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
