i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Randomize
