I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
Randomize
