So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
I think I just sharted jello shots
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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