Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
Randomize
