Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
