On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
