Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
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