i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Randomize
