i think i have herpe
just one?
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
Randomize
