Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
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