She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
