I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize
