then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Randomize
