dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Randomize
