I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
Ladies don't puke and tell
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
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