are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
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