So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
Randomize
