i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
Randomize
