I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
honey bunches of taint.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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