So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Randomize
