Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
I party with great urgency now.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Randomize
