I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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