Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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