i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
