U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
