the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
Randomize
