Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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