OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize
