Ambien. No doubt about it.
Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
i love accidental penises.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
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