is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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