The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
