I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
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