im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
