tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
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