I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
NoShamevember. You game?
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
Randomize
