i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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