I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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