New low: just hacked my moms facebook
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
