I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
