i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
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